ok. time to write wat's going on thru my mind. my mind is contradicting now. i dun feel i click with my foc grp. think. abt the gers. erm... not the kind of gers i wld hang out with. its not that they are not nice. its just. diffferent. its like. so mixed feelings. initially, aft the tbc, i was quite enthu abt it. until i noe the grping for foc camp. it gets quite sucky to noe the grping. was hoping to be in the same grp as limei. and back then, i was juz thinking if i wld be a gl. seems like it isn't a prob at all. its abt getting into the same grp. maybe i took things quite lightly at the beginning. i was thinking, getting in the same grp shldnt be a tough thing. and i still think that it is still possible for changes. but watever lar. dun think it can fix the feelings that we all are feeling now.
ok. the trial camp is nearing. its sunday today. trial camp on tue. i duno how i can click with them. juz gotta try to do it. i dun wanna click. yet i have to click. just how contradicting that is. i'm so unmotivated to go to camps. especially this camp. furthermore without my darling. wat crap. this feeling worsens. but what to do? just think. mel and limei. both dun feel gd abt the foc stuffs. i wld definitely be influenced. yet, i've got to keep the enthusiasm in me to at least hopefully feel better abt the camp. i cant possibly just be absent for the camp. it wld be a great idea. but its irresponsible. my mum even encourage me to just be absent for the camp and she even said wat i've got myself into. dun wanna go. yet i join this thing. bah~
thinking abt baoc. baoc seems so much better with the kind of company down there. it isn't all of the company there that's nice. but at least the few whom i keep hanging out with are nice. its really the shits that i've got myself into. ha. but its too late to back out i believe. just gotta keep moving on.
hope everything goes smoothly. hope limei feels better. hope mel enjoy herself at bintan and japan. hope everyone who goes bintan will all return safely in one big piece. hope everything goes well. haiz.
